Tuesday, December 06, 2005

on hold

The last week had been good with K, perhaps we are just in the wrong frequency. He was looking for company and I, I didnt know I was looking for love, nevermind the age differences.

Now that I knew the truth, it will probably takes me a while to get over it, I have to, cos I've told her I actually feel better now and know how to go from here.

Life is strange, just when you think things are perfect, then it starts crashing down. There are no such thing as perfect life, there bound to be something not right. I'm pessimistic now, I'm entitled to.

I'm not making senses, I just don't know how to feel anymore.

Should I be happy for him that he is at least happy today ?
Should I be sad because I know what he is going thru ?
Should I be ashame of myself ?

What am I doing ?

I did a stupid : well.. i actually... you know... nevermind... but its ok...

Gosh, I feel stupid and embarass now, what have I done ? Did I add more pressure to him ?

Why didnt I read his blog to understand what he is going to ? Because I don't want to know his past, cos everyone of us have our past. I'm looking forward to the future, a future with him. But I was wrong, I should look into the past to understand the present him.

I want a simple life, but I'm simply good at complicating things. I should not and I should stop this now. It is getting in the way.

On Hold . . .

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

so sad to hear, life is so cruel sometimes. why cant we get what we want? why is this sky has no eyes see!!!

Anonymous said...

i cried all night after reading your blog! thanks for sharing i dont know what to say except...be strong and someday your prince will come!

Anonymous said...

take care bro, you'll be alright.

Anonymous said...

I wish i am there to offer my shoulder for you to cry on. I m a widow, my husband died in an accident 2 years ago and it took me a while to get over him. I am sure you will some day too.
Loads of love
Lynda

Anonymous said...

I understand what you just been thru, fuck those suckers they just breaking our fragile heart! fuck you Mark! i hate you so much

Anonymous said...

what do you mean by:
well.. i actually... you know... nevermind... but its ok...

Anonymous said...

your blog is very confusing, could you explain more? did u tell him about your love for him? why are you ashame of yourself?

Anonymous said...

There are plenty of fishes in the sea darling, just go catch a new fish! fuck those stinking motherfucker